What's Done is Done...Get Over it!

One of my favorite dogs I take adventuring is a little black lab/terrier mix named Kadi. She is special because she is my dog, Koda's girlfriend, or maybe better said "bitch-friend" in dog language. When alone, they wrestle, chase, lick each other's ears and have upmost trust in one another. Unfortunately, when I add other dogs to the mix, Kadi shrivels up into a cowering, terrified mass of "caninity" (get used to my use of literary license in coining new words as needed!). It breaks my heart to see her effervescence evaporate into fizzless fear...dull, flat nothingness. Her owner, Rick told me that when he and his wife Lois rescued her as a puppy from an animal shelter, she was covered with scabs that led them to believe she had been beaten up by the other dogs.

That was 4 years ago. That was thousands of hours ago, with dozens of experiences of good natured dogs interacting with her since then. Still no change, no learning from new, healthy encounters. The painful memories prevail. I hurt with her as she cowers, but her fears also evoke uncharacteristic meaness in her towards other dogs. Kadi appears to operate with the philosophy that "the best defense is a good offense"...so she quickly snaps and growls at any approaching dogs. Rightly so, their response is aggression back, and Kadi has succeeded in deepening her belief system that other dogs aren't to be trusted.

Sound familiar? We humans dig our relational grooves the same way...with the same results...cowering fears born of painful memories...resorting to defense mechanisms that only deepen our distrust of others as we provoke the very things we want to avoid. You'd think we'd learn...or at least see our part in choreographing that hurtful dance routine. But we don't. Kadi doesn't and neither do we.

So what's the solution. Let me talk to Kadi and you can eavesdrop if you want. "Kadi, you are a precious, wonderful, joy-filled little doggy. I love you...so does Koda. The other dogs around you aren't monsters. They are playful, fun, gentle and just as desiring of avoiding a fight as you are. If you'd just put aside your past pain for short stretches of time, and give them a chance to show you something different, you'd be able to start enjoying them and add them to your very short list of friends. You need to see your "snappy-snap" (what we call her biting) as bringing on their negative response and resist the urge to drive them away out of your own knee-jerk reaction to self-protect. Give them a chance, Kadi. It's time to let the past go and make some new grooves of experiences that allow others to take as much delight in you as Koda and I do. It is an "adventure" of another sort but we can do it together. Growl less and get over it!"