Stuck in Hyperviligence

Hello again. I've been busy responding to the issues in my last blog, issues about the Dog Park's proposed changes that have kept me bogged down writing letters, rallying support, taking video footage to create a DVD, and even invading the State Parks' Office to compel them to hear our comments and complaints. So I definitely have been resisting the urge to wallow in my "learned helplessness." AND I have learned something in the process of activating my personal power. Here it is, "be careful of the bogey-man you breathe life into as you assert that power." Not the lesson you expected, right? Let me explain.

Kicking my body into a state of "fight" (as opposed to "flight") is a necessary thing at times like this. BUT, a natural consequence is that it is easy to get the throttle stuck in "full bore," and have that same energy rush in to the rest of your life, where it is not wanted or needed. Case in point. I was rollerblading the other day and almost got run off the paved trail by a man jogging with a baby stroller. I was coming up on him from behind and called out in a loud voice that I was going to pass on the left. Just as I curved around to the left, he decided to move to his left too, forcing me almost into the dirt. Then he yells at me to "slow down," as if I was the one causing the problem. That's when I noticed that he had state of the art earphones covering both of his ears, and he couldn't hear either the advance warning of my approach, or the sound of me passing him. Not a good idea when the trail is packed with people walking, running, riding bikes and roller blading, like me. Instantly I was furious with him, first for blocking his hearing so completely that he couldn't even hear my warning or even more so, my animated "suggestion" that he take off his earphones; and second, for blaming me for the close mishap. Whether I was justified or not, is not the real issue at hand. For me the issue is how much adrenalin got pumped into my already heightened state of "fight." I was ready to stop and physically rumble with this guy pushing his baby carriage! And that was only hours after spending time with God reading and praying over verses in the Bible that challenge me to be a peacemaker after Jesus' own heart!


And that wasn't the only adversarial moment of my past week. Traffic, like a full moon, has morphed me into a hairy werewolf, an ambiguous comment has ignited full-scale defensive explosions, and my default mode has shifted to assuming the worst in everyone around me... and reacting accordingly! Years of God's transforming touch have been undone with one week of hypervigilant social action, albeit for a very worthy cause. Yikes! Imagine what getting stuck in this "fight or flight" state would do to someone over a much longer period of time! Perhaps you are that someone. If so, I have new compassion for you. I hate the distortion of perception that accompanies this state. It feels ugly in me. I need to learn to install an "on-off" switch, so I can selectively shut down the adrenalin that makes me so offensively defensive.

The solution is not to throw in the towel of the issue we are passionate about. But it sure isn't to let that passion ooze into every area of our life either. I haven't figured this out yet, but right now I'm sniffing down the trail of not being so quick to think or react to anything that I perceive as negative. I need to check it out, get more facts, sit with it a bit, and for me, take it to God for some divine perspectivising. Easy to say, not easy to do... especially for me who secretly thinks I've got the market on clear perception and accurate judging. That never is the case, and especially not now when my werewolf fur is obscuring my vision. Any fur in your view right now? Let's both do some trimming!